I believe two semesters have passed since my last post. So much for convincing everyone that I love writing and sharing life experiences. But I have discovered that I am as easily distracted as most others are, a trait that I always despised. So I apologize to all of you out there that I ever made fun of for not being able to focus.
Concerning focus, I have learned that I absolutely cannot focus on something that I do not like to do. There are so many responsibilities we have in life that we do not like, but this is not what I am referring to. Each of us has goals that we set and goals that remain unaccomplished. There are never-ending excuses as to why we fail to fulfill our goals, but for me I found the biggest reason is directly connected to desire.
Why do we even set goals? Some goals I have set in life are perhaps because I knew the outcome was expected of me. Some goals I have set because I am unhappy with where I am. And some goals I have set because of something that I truly desire. Which goals have I accomplished? The ones that I desired the most. Because I had the desire, I had the will power to make it happen. Because I had the desire, I really CHOSE to fulfill it.
This past year I came to realize something about myself that I really was unaware of. I had been basing my dreams and goals off of others expectations of me. Some of these dreams are still good and still my dreams, but some of them, after a lot of pondering and self-reflecting, I have been able to let go of! I did not realize how much freedom and peace I had lost due to subconsciously tying myself down to labels and expectations. (Note: These labels and expectations are not necessarily bad or good or a certain people's fault. Most labels and expectations are just a direct result of life). Through numerous challenges and growing opportunities gifted from my loving Heavenly Father, I have began to rediscover myself!
What can time bring? Perspective! I am grateful for a God that allows each and every one of us to discover truth, even (or maybe especially) about ourselves!
Some thoughts I've been having. Opinions form our universe. Each of us has an opinion about everything (even if you think you're not opinionated...I'm sorry to say, but you are - haha yes that's my opinion). Some opinions are fact. Ok, maybe a better word for opinion is belief. Or, maybe perspective. Basically, I want to intertwine these three words together and explore some thoughts I've been having. We all have some type of perspective on everything. Again, some are facts. I can show you a pen which is blue and as you see this pen, your perspective is that the pen is blue. But what if I had learned that this color has a different name? What if, for instance, I had learned that the color blue is really called green. So I show you a pen, and your perspective says it's blue, but then I tell you you are wrong, because my perspective says it's green. So who is right and who is wrong? Or are we both right? How do we really choose which perspective to follow? And who declares things as fact? Just because in school we were taught that blue is blue, well, why couldn't it be green?
In my bioethics class we watched a video exploring the issue of consciousness. None of us can ever REALLY know what someone else is feeling, thinking or experiencing. And, as we have gone through life, we have discovered that there are some people out there that seem to feel, think, and experience completely opposite than the way that we do. And immediately, we want to think that they are wrong. So back to the class video, we watched a video where a scientist was visiting a tribe (I'm so sorry that this is going to be very butchered, I cannot for the life of me remember names or places or even where the video is at). This tribe only has a handful of words that describe color. For example, a person from this tribe would describe milk and the sky as the same color. Things that we find not even similar, they group together. To further explore this phenomenon, the scientist did a little experiment with a color wheel. The wheel had 12 colors and one was different from the other 11. The purpose of the experiment was simple: find the color that doesn't belong. He first put up a color wheel that was full of what appeared to be all the same green. When the scientist put it up, I immediately thought to myself that this was a trick question because they were all the same color, when almost simultaneously the man being tested from the tribe pointed to a square to say it was different. So who was right, him or I? Well, he was. The green square he found in less than a second is a very slight different shade of green, which almost no one can see. So that was pretty trippy. And then the scientist moved on. He then put up a different color wheel where there were 11 green squares and one bright blue square. Of course, I saw the difference immediately, and after 5 minutes the man being tested still could not see the difference! They were all the same to him!
So which perspective is right? Are blue and green the same or different? Are green and green the same or different? Often times we deem seeing as fact. I saw a blue pen. So my perspective is true...it's a blue pen. I saw this happen, so my perspective is true. I felt the wind so it's a fact that it's windy.....my mind has already exploded so many times with this train of thought. But I am going to make a point, I promise.
There are soooooooooo many influences that shape our opinions, beliefs and perspectives. And a lot of them may not be consciously shaped. There are so many influences that we cannot see or begin to fathom. This is what I realized awhile ago, that I had been shaping me consciously and subconsciously. I saw myself one way, others saw myself another way. And then there were outside influences shaping me a completely different way that I was completely unaware of. (I'm sorry if this is not making complete sense...I'm trying to be really general as to avoid being really personal.) So when you put all three of these influences together, it is almost impossible to discover truth...or is it?
I believe there is a source of all truth. A source that does know what every single one of us is feeling, thinking and experiencing. A source that knows that perhaps I was taught that blue is blue and that someone else was taught that green is blue. I do not understand this source. I just believe it's there. I believe it's there because I have felt it. I have felt my opinions, perspective and beliefs be completely turned upside down and I receive a complete moment of clarity. Often, these times can't be put into words. But I truly have experienced moments in my life where I can see clearly. Two of these experiences have been in the past year. And they have been completely life changing.
So my point is this. Time brings perspective, rather, time brings clarity. While this world will seemingly forever be filled with conflicting views and opinions, be patient with yourself and others. Maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm wrong. How I see myself today seems right. But perhaps it is wrong. And perhaps tomorrow will bring a different perspective that is more right. My main point I wanted to get to is dream. Dream big! Really discover your desires and go for it! Really ponder on what will bring TRUE HAPPINESS! Maybe you need a perspective shift on where happiness is found. Maybe you don't. But I really am a firm believer that truth is meant to be discovered. Go discover more truth! And of course...it will take time (p.s. and effort)!